I love my bff Guy. But man-o-man, he’s so thick sometimes! Take…uh…LAST NIGHT for instance.
We’re at the club where Rinz was DJing. Daft Punk vs Benny Benassi is playing. Guy and me are dancing at the edge of the crowd. Which is a miracle in itself that I was able to pull him away from the wall. He’s 6’4″ and doesn’t exactly like the attention that brings.
So we’re dancing. And this girl Tabby dances over to us. She’s a friend of Rinz’s I met when we played Hedbanz. We get to talking and I discover that Tabby just got dumped by her man. So I say, “Well you should talk to Guy. He just got dumped too. New Year’s Eve!” Well, okay, I didn’t exactly say it…. The music was loud. I yelled it.
Anyways, she keeps dancing with us, exchanges a couple words with Guy. I catch a sparkle in her eye….message to all men: women can communicate through ocular sparkles!
I take my cue and pay Rinz a visit behind his deck. But I’ve got a clear line of sight to Guy and Tabby.
I watch them move closer together :)
And then I’m over the moon when Tabby pulled his face down to hers and starts making out with him! I clap my hands and Rinz notices, cocks his head like “What’s up?”
I point out Guy and Tabby to him just in time for Guy to whisper something in her ear and for her to turn and walk off with a really hurt expression on her face.
“Oh fuck.” I said that.
Guy made a beeline for the exit but I stopped him before he got there. And I was like, “Dude what happened?”
Y’know what he said to me? “I don’t need your help to pick up drunk sluts.” And then he stormed out…WTF!… WTFF!
I felt so bad for Tabby. I found her in the bathroom. I apologized profusely and then held her hair out of her face while she puked.
When I got home, Guy was on the sofa, playing Civ5 on his laptop.
I said, “You’re an idiot sometimes, y’know.”
He said, “What’d I do!?”
I didn’t answer him. I went to bed.
I didn’t talk to him at all this morning. I left for work without saying goodbye. After the door closed behind me, I heard a muted sarcastic “Goodbye!”
Now I’m here at work. Solving other people’s problems.
Any advice interweb?